Remember that guy that I like? We made out in his car yesterday. I’ve never made out before, so it was an interesting experience. I really want to kiss him again. He has nice, big lips & I like that shit lmao. Also, I’m not sure if I like him; I’m confused.
The guy that I like likes me back. We’ve been sweet talking a lot lately. It makes me nauseous lmao. I’m not good at interactions with boys: I get so awkward & nervous. I have been anxiety all week bwcause at the beginning of the week, we planned to go out for pizza. That’s happening later today. Then we’re going to watch a good friend of mine at her dance show. This guy & I have been messing around a lot, especially about kissing & I’m so scared because I haven’t kissed anyone since freshmen year, so I feel rusty. I really don’t want to embarrass myself. Also, I keep thinking about his ex because she’s so sweet & I was friends with this guy while they dated, so I’m scared that she’ll think that we had a thing while they dated, but we didn’t. I’m so conflicted, but I do love being treated special & getting what I want.
I think you’re awesome & I have a thing for you. Something about you intrigues me. I love talking to you. You’re so attractive. I just want you to love me, fuck me, & take me to prom, but idk how to tell you lol.
I got 4 Cs this grading period. I don’t care because I’m a senior, so my grades don’t matter as long as I don’t fail. I’m going to FIU regardless, so nothing’s going to happen. I’m failing college algebra & chemistry, but I have time to bring it up & at least get a C. I’m so done with school. I’m so done with everything. I wake up & imagine how life will be once I graduate high school & college. People say that high school & college are the best years of your life, but I’m the exception. I fucking hate my house because my parents are psychotic & over protective. I just want to save $ & disappear. All I ever want to do anymore is cry & make $ because I feel like $ is the only way out. Fuck love & people. I am so over my whole life & I’m only 17. It’s sad because venting like this is the only way I feel better. I can’t even open my mouth without some fucker telling me that I’m wrong or dramatic. Fuck everyone in my life. I don’t need any of you.
I am so jealous of everyone intellectual & creative. I feel like an idiot all the time. I’m so slow. I really do hate myself.
My ex best friend liked me, but stayed quiet because I liked another guy. He got over me because he thought it would’ve never worked out. I liked him this year & he’s basically disgusted by the thought of dating me. He has reasons as to why he wouldn’t date me, & I’m not sure why. Some drama started & we stopped being so close. Talk about a stab in the heart. He started talking to some girl & is pretty much dating her. I think what bothers me most about this is that I gave you my all for your birthday & you pretty much brushed it off. You kind of went the extra mile for this girl because you went to her house & birthday dinner, but you would’ve never even done that for me. Hanging out with me was a big issue, but it’s so easy with her. Tell me, am I really that fucking terrible? I’m not too sure why it didn’t work out. I put in so much effort for you & now I look like a dumb bitch. Everyone thinks I’m hopelessly in love with you & you’re just there, trying to ignore it all. You are a pussy & a coward. I don’t want to see you, much less be your friend. I’m beyond hurt because you made it seem like I was perfect, but you never tried to have anything with me or rebuild our friendship. Fuck you & your nice words. Have fun with that girl because karma is the bitch you end up with.